A lot seems to happen in the time that passes. I always seem to be changing. I live and have lived in Phoenix AZ for the past 10 years or so before I lived in Portland OR, my childhood. Now, I have set my sights on France and learning French. New York has been a alternative choice that I have never liked, seeming like a good career choice for a painter/artist with opportunities; visiting seems like a better idea than living there for some reason for me however. Learning a new language and culture may seem daunting and a challenge, but it is also a huge part of why I want to get out of this freaking place (explitives ommitted). I don't like who I am, namely, just an American. Boring, plain. I don't hate America I just don't like being American. I don't know why. I guess it would be the same for a Canadian who just wanted to not be Canadian. At the same time, I don't know what I will chiefly do or "be" in the future. Will I mainly be a painter? I don't know. I just am. New Buddhism has given me this choice. And it's extremely liberating. Like a stone has been lifted from my back. I am glad it is now. Every day is new.